Thoughts from Jenny B. Smith

Here’s what I’m working on now.

I’m seeking an agent for I’m Not a Bad Person: A Therapist’s Memoir of Transforming Trauma. This book follows my journey from an alcoholic to a healed and successful therapist. It explores emotional abusive, paralleled by the psychological abuse of the system of patriarchy. For years, I thought my sensitive nature was a curse that made me more vulnerable to abuse, but ultimately, I discovered that with refinement, empathy is, in fact, my greatest strength.

The book is delivered with a punchy irony that gives levity to the dark subjects. I’m Not a Bad Person will have book groups everywhere asking: Are our thoughts our own, or the programming of a person or system of power? And how do we find our way back to our intuitive wisdom?

Words, like any art form, are a vehicle for abstract ideas that only exist in the deep recesses of our minds to move into the concrete world where we can apply them in meaningful ways.

I spent years of my life lugging around unconscious shame and self-loathing I’d absorbed from an emotionally abusive parent and several other toxic relationships. I learned to punish myself with alcohol, drugs, disordered eating, perfectionism, and destructive relationships.

“When we don’t see how these harmful messages slither into our subconscious minds and tattoo themselves to our identities, we are particularly vulnerable to physical, emotional, and sexual violations.” – Jenny B. Smith

Emotional abuse can be hidden in subtle implications of guilt and manipulation. The crippling impact of emotional abuse lies in its deconstruction of a person’s humanity so that they no longer see themselves clearly. The worst part of this type of abuse was not necessarily what was done to me but rather the self-defeating beliefs I adopted about myself.

Our system of patriarchy mirrors the workings of emotional abuse in its oppressive messaging that has a negative impact on all bodies, including men, but particularly the bodies of women, bodies of color, and LGBTQIA+ bodies. When we don’t see how these harmful messages slither into our subconscious minds and tattoo themselves to our identities, we are particularly vulnerable to physical, emotional, and sexual violations.

My healing started when I discovered how to move those unconscious beliefs out of the dark and into the light of the conscious realm. I discovered those stories of worthlessness I’d absorbed from society, and my family had never been true.

And guess what? Neither are yours.

This is where our real power lies. In our ability to clearly see the stories we’ve adopted and question them. Then we are more able to connect to our intuitive wisdom, a force that is only life-affirming. This is the source of empowerment.

Today it is my passion to help others heal their wounds and reconnect with their intuitive wisdom.

— Jenny B. Smith, LMSW, CIEC, EMDR

A therapist’s memoir on transforming trauma.