What Your Dreams Mean: How Nighttime Messages Guide Daylight Healing
What Your Dreams Mean
Dreams have become one of the most profound tools I use to stop abandoning myself.
For so long, I didn’t even realize I was doing it. Self-abandonment was so baked into my nervous system—so entwined with how I believed I had to show up in the world—that it operated beneath awareness. But my dreams knew. They were there, working to heal me the whole time.
Once I started learning what my dreams mean, they became a steady guide—helping me name what felt off, reconnect to my inner truth, and create boundaries that honored my well-being.
A Dream That Helped Me Understand My Boundaries
Years ago, I was working in a high-stress helping profession, and someone in a position of authority regularly overstepped. She’d call or text constantly—nights, weekends, holidays. Sometimes it was understandable, given the nature of the work. But often, it was deeply inappropriate: long, rambling messages, venting about colleagues, or fishing for admiration.
I didn’t want to play that role. I wanted to eat dinner with my husband. To read my book. To go to the gym without someone barging into those quiet pockets of my day. During work hours? Sure. Occasionally after hours? Understandable. But not endlessly. And not without discernment.
The trouble was—I hadn’t yet named it clearly. I just felt anxious. Obligated. Hijacked every time I saw her name on my phone.
Then I had a dream.
Brace yourself—dreams are weird. So here we go.
I was in the shower. Naked, rinsing off, minding my business. And suddenly—that woman walked right in and joined me. It wasn’t sexual, just oddly matter-of-fact. As if it made perfect sense. She reached for the shampoo like this was totally normal and said, “Hey, can you pass the conditioner?”
And in the dream, I thought:
“Dude. I’m naked and showering. What are you doing here?”
That was it. My dream spelled out exactly what I hadn’t been able to name: someone was intruding on private space. When I began to understand what that dream meant, it became so obvious I couldn’t ignore it. I wasn’t crazy for wanting the shower to myself—or for needing clearer boundaries at work.
That dream gave me the clarity and courage to make a shift. I stopped responding to her messages unless it was urgent. I replied during business hours. And she slowed down. She didn’t change entirely, but I did—I stopped feeling responsible for regulating her.
What Your Dreams Mean About Self-Abandonment
That’s the thing about dreams. They help me see what I can’t always face in daylight. When I reflect on what my dreams mean, I often find metaphors for boundaries I haven’t yet set, grief I haven’t fully metabolized, or healing that’s finally ready to emerge.
Our conditioning often lives in the subconscious. It drives our behavior in ways we don’t realize. But dreams pull those patterns to the surface, so we can work with them—gently, compassionately, on our own terms.
What Your Dreams Mean for Emotional Healing
Imagine dreaming as a form of emotional alchemy.
According to neuroscientist Matthew Walker in Why We Sleep (2017), when we enter REM sleep, something extraordinary happens: the levels of norepinephrine (noradrenaline) in the area of the brain that mobilizes the stress response—the locus coeruleus—drop to nearly zero.
Why does this matter?
Norepinephrine is an activating, stress-related neurochemical. We need it. We rely on it. But we also need a break from it. And during REM sleep, we get just that.
In this unique neurochemical state, we can revisit painful or stressful material—but without the reactivity of the stress response. Our brains can process emotional intensity without being hijacked by it.
It’s like this: your stress and memories are papers scattered across your desk. When you dream, your mind starts filing them. They’re still there, but they’re no longer cluttering your mental workspace. You’ve processed them. They’re in their place.
Have you ever gone to bed with something weighing heavily on your heart, only to wake up and feel like the emotional charge has dropped? That’s REM at work.
Sleep scientist Matthew Walker calls REM sleep a kind of “nighttime soothing balm.”
Unfortunately, people with PTSD often struggle to access this healing state. Their norepinephrine levels remain too high to enter deep REM. The brain keeps trying to process trauma through repetitive, often distressing dreams—but without the neurochemical setting needed for integration. The good news? There are medications that can support this while the deeper healing work unfolds.
How to Work With What Your Dreams Mean
Over the years, my dreams have carried messages about boundaries, trauma, grief, and healing. They’ve whispered truths I wasn’t yet ready to say out loud—and sometimes, they’ve shouted.
They’ve helped me complete interrupted emotional processes, surface ancestral echoes, and prepare for relationship repair when my nervous system was finally steady enough to face it.
If you’ve ever wondered what your dreams mean, or how to work with them—not just analyze them—you’re not alone. I created a gentle framework to help you get started:
Practices for Dream Integration
Before we dive in—want a guided place to reflect as you go?
Download the free Dream Integration Worksheet to help you track, explore, and understand what your dreams mean in a grounded, body-based way.
[Download the worksheet here.]
1. Recall & Record
When you wake up, stay still and ask: What do I remember? Even fragments matter.
Write down the narrative—but also, how did you feel in the dream? Where did you feel it in your body?
2. Resonance Mapping
Ask: “When in my waking life this week did I feel that same way?”
This is one of the most powerful ways to uncover what your dreams mean on a somatic level.
3. Dream-Person Dialogue
Speak or write to a figure or symbol from your dream: “What were you trying to tell me?”
Let it answer in your imagination.
4. Emotional Titration
If the dream brings up charge, revisit it gently: draw it, breathe with it, or sit quietly for 2–3 minutes. Let it unfold safely.
5. Boundary Reflection Prompt
Ask:
“What boundary did I feel was missing in the dream?”
“What would it take to honor or restore that boundary now?”
What Your Dreams Mean
Final Thoughts on What Your Dreams Mean
Dream expert Toko-pa Turner writes: “Love the dreams you’re given.”
Your dreams aren’t random. They’re your nervous system’s way of telling the truth—without judgment, without filters. They offer a portal back to agency, self-trust, and emotional wholeness.
She reminds us that even a fragment can contain the genius of an entire dream:
“If you’ve received a dream fragment, trust that it’s the beginning of more to come. Honor it as you would any heralding.”
So if you’re wondering what your dreams mean, begin by listening. Approach them with gentle curiosity. Let them walk beside you as guides, whispering reminders of who you are beneath the noise.
Before you go, grab your dream integration worksheet!
Click here: Download the Dream Integration Worksheet
A printable guide to help you track, map, and listen to what your dreams are trying to tell you.
Enjoy this blog?
You might also enjoy:
Understanding Generational Trauma: The Pain We Carry, the Healing We Can Begin
Setting Boundaries Without The Overwhelm And Guilt
Walker, Matthew. Why We Sleep: Unlocking the Power of Sleep and Dreams. New York: Scribner, 2017.
